


Home Sweet Home

by lycanthropiclesbian



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt and comfort, also not a game au, nothing too explicit but it’s ddlc so, tw for self harm and abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-08-05 16:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16371134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lycanthropiclesbian/pseuds/lycanthropiclesbian
Summary: Natsuki: hmmm i wonder why i get red in the face and blush and feel like i’m floating when Yuri smiles at me?Natsuki:Natsuki: ah yes this must be what hate feels like of course





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ddlc is barely even a side interest tbh i’m just hyperfocused on it right now. despite this, i’m not huge on the actual game so like, *rips ddlc characters from canon*, my gays now. (also i posted this on mobile so i’ll have to go back and re-italicize everything but hhhh whatever hopefully it’s still readable

Natsuki wishes she hated Yuri, really. If she really did hate her it’d make things sooo much more convenient. Unfortunately for her, that wasn’t the case, so the next best thing she could do was pretend. It wasn’t even hard to act like she despised her, I mean, she was taller, smarter, and infinitely prettier than Natsuki could ever hope to be, but instead of that jealousy manifesting itself as repulsion, it manifested as... something else.  


After what felt like months, it was finally Friday. Natsuki couldn’t quite tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Neither? Both? Don’t get her wrong, school fucking sucked obviously, but not school wasn’t all that appealing either. It didn’t matter really, because whether or not she stewed over it, because the fact of the matter was that for the next two days she’d be stuck at home with her father, because it’s not like anyone wanted to spend time with her anyways. In retrospect the pink haired girl had made it her mission to make sure people didn’t try to talk to her, but what was she supposed to do? Honestly she was doing everyone a favor by not letting anyone close enough to be disappointed by her.  


The school day had gone at an agonizing pace, but she’d finally made it to the end of the day, which meant she got to go to the one place in this school that didn’t make her want to drown; the literature club. She pushed through the door, and to absolutely nobody’s suprise, Yuri was already inside with her head buried in a book that probably weighed as much as Natsuki. She was alerted by the smaller girl heaving her backpack into the corner. Without peeking out from behind the book, she greeted her flatly. “Hello Natsuki. Tea?” Yuri offered. Every day she offered Natsuki a cup of tea, even though she knew she thought it tasted like swamp water. Natsuki began to fire up her rebuttal mechanism when her stomach loudly protested. She had skipped lunch today, and who’s to say Papa would feel like feeding her tonight... or tomorrow, or the day after honestly.  


She sighed, “okay fine, I’ll give it another try”. Yuri clapped her hands together in delight, “wonderful!” she remarked as she began to pour, “one lump of sugar or two?”. Natsuki looked intensely into Yuri’s eyes. “All.” she declared. Yuri furrowed her brow, “okay so... 3 lumps of sugar...” she murmured under her breath. She handed the hot drink over to the younger girl and smiled expectantly . “... Thanks” Natsuki said in a voice that was barely audible. “Hmmmm?” Yuri prodded obnoxiously, “pardon, I couldn’t hear what you said just then”. She glared back at the dark haired girl, trying to contain the urge to yeet the teacup through the goddamn window. “Yeah yeah, whatever, thanks for your leaf juice” she said, averting her eyes to her manga. Yuri hummed in satisfaction.  


Suddenly, Sayori burst through the door, hands on her knees and gasping for breath. “Sayori,” Yuri began, “are you alr-“ “THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IS OUTSIDE”, the strawberry-haired and extremely winded girl proclaimed. There was a moment of silence. “Sayori you are a grown woman. Why is the ice cream truck even-” she was cut off by Natsuki violently rising from her desk. “Sayori the ice cream truck is it still a ways down the street can we make it. Please god tell me we’re not too late” she said gravely. “It’s still a block down and there’s a long line! We can totally make it!” Sayori exclaimed, ignoring Yuri’s comment entirely. Yuri looked into an imaginary camera like she was on The Office.  


“DUDE WE TOTALLY HAVE TO GO RIGHT-” Natsuki’s voice trailed off. Sayori tilted her head in confusion and made a “?!” noise. Natsuki sighed and sat back down. “I just remembered you need money to buy things,” she grumbled, kicking her legs aimlessly beneath her. After a few seconds of dejected silence, Yuri pulled her wallet out of her bag and piped up, “Ok club doesn’t start for another 2 minutes if you want to get technical, so I guess let’s trek over to that ice cream truck”. Sayori’s eyes lit up, but the other girl just scoffed, “Yuri didn’t you just hear me? I literally have zero dollars on me right now”. Sayori yelled “Natsuki Yuri is going to get you the ice cream because she’s an angel!” Natsuki squinted as she put the puzzle pieces together. Yuri laughed awkwardly “well, I’d argue i’m definitely not a-”. Her voice was overpowered as Sayori threw her hands into the air and hollered “AN!!! ANGEL!!!!” 

By now things had finally clicked for Natsuki and she felt herself blush, “Are you sure Yuri? It’s really okay I mean ice cream is nice and all but, I feel like i haven’t really... earned it... or whatever”. Shit. That was too much vulnerability Nat you need to calm the fuck down. Yuri shook her head and offered a smile “Nonsense. C’mon we’ll get something for Monika too to compensate for inevitably being late to the meeting” she said, rising from her desk to the delight of Sayori who was practically vibrating. Natsuki nodded and followed in suit, but she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She was perfectly aware that she was what many would call a little shit. Especially to Yuri. Granted that was mainly due to a combination of never learning to cope with emotions, jealousy of the taller girl and... other... unresolved feelings that nobody needed to know about or think about shut up. But still, she did really feel bad that Yuri was so often the target of her bitterness.  


The three girls arrived at the ice cream truck just in time, as the last people in line were just finishing up. The truck man leaned over the edge to greet them and asked what they want. The usually composed and elegant Yuri froze, and cleared her throat as if she was about to speak, but instead grabbed Natsuki by the shoulders and whipped her around in front of her and gave her a push. Natsuki took a moment to recover from the assault she’d just experienced and ordered one of those chocolate taco abominations. She needed the calories okay? Sayori ordered two obscenely rainbow things for her and Monika, and Yuri just pointed to the plain cone on the menu and shakily forked over a ten dollar bill. Natsuki didn’t think too much of it, she knew Yuri had that whole anxiety thing going on, and to an extent she did too, but the difference was that instead of retreating back into her shell, Natsuki coped with this by just yelling at everything even louder. Natsuki gave her a nervous but hopefully reassuring smile, and intended to offer some words of comfort when the man returned with their treats. _Oh thank god I didn’t have anything to say anyways, thank you truck man for my life _. “Thank you!” Sayori beamed, carrying Monika’s multicolor delicacy in one hand and digging into her own with the other.  
__

____

Natsuki and Yuri followed behind their energetic friend in silence for a few moments before the pink haired one took a deep breath, “Hey. Thanks” sincerely this time unlike earlier. Yuri could sense this and refrained from heckling her about it this time, instead responding with a gentle smile. _Oh fuck she’s cute _, Natsuki thought, _jesus christ shut the hell up, her brain replied to her. _____

____


	2. the second one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 16 whole people liked my writing, which is kinda horrifying. please don’t expect anything from me, anything decent i managed to write was probably a fluke hhaha ::). anyways this is a natsuri fic obviously but as you can tell there’s a lil bit of Sayonika too, so i hope that’s your cup of tea. (get it. because yuri, she drinks tea. follow for more funny creative jokes)

      When the trio returned to the classroom they were relieved to find that their president still hadn't arrived. "I suppose I should have known better than to assume Monika would show up on time" Yuri mused. It was true, Monika time took place about 7 minutes after everyone else's. If Monika said she'd be somewhere by noon, she really meant noon-adjacent, but nobody could really blame her, she seemed to always have her plate full of things to do.  


    

As if to prove this, at that moment the club leader kicked open the door, her arms full of folders and loose paper, and her hair disheveled. "Sorry I'm late! I came from class and the student council wanted me to look over something and then I had to stop by the copy room to pick something up and then in the hallway someone stopped me to ask about the spelling be because I guess I look like someone who'd know and then right before I got here I-" she paused to catch her breath. "It's fine Monika, we just got here too, we just came back from an impromptu trip to the ice cream truck," Yuri reassured her. Sayori bounded over to Monika and presented the ice cream. Monika's let go of the tension she'd apparently been carrying as she took the treat and ruffled Sayori's hair, "You know me so well". Sayori replied; ':D'.  


   

  Natsuki furrowed her brow, Sayori and Monika had gotten really close over the past few months it seemed like, judging by the amount of PDA that'd been incorporated into their relationship. _Was that just how close friends are? _It seemed a bit excessive to Natsuki but then again she can't remember a time she'd ever even had a close friendship. Typically when she felt people getting to close she'd promptly isolate herself to avoid any trouble. Oh great now we're sad.  
__

__

__The cotton candy colored hermit bid adieu to her chocolate taco abomination as she shoved the rest of it down her gullet and loudly declared "OKAY it's time to exchange poems now". She was _not _gonna let her loneliness catch up to her, not today satan. Sayori stuffed the rest of her ice cream into her mouth, thus ending the tale of Sayori and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Cone. "YESH!" she yelled, her mouth still full, as she reached into her bag. "I'll share with Monika!" she beamed. _Shocker, _Natsuki thought to herself. She guessed this meant she was with Yuri. Wahoo.  
_____ _

___ _

___She wordlessly shoved her piece of notebook paper at Yuri and picked hers up off the table, beginning to scan it. Ah yes, just as she'd thought, chock full of words she'd have to pretend to know. Yuri's poems were always really cryptic, but Natsuki was sure that if she knew what it said, it'd be beautiful. She really did make an effort to read the poem in front of her, but the harder she squinted at the wall of words, the more her head pounded as she tried to retain anything on the page. It's not that she didn't know the words, she could read them just fine individually, but when she tried to come to a conclusion about what they were actually saying she found herself drawing a blank.  
_ _ _

___ _

___Yuri set the poem back down on the desk, indicating she'd finished. _Oh shit, _Natsuki thought, she guessed she'd just have to give  really realllly vague feedback. Natsuki set the other girl's poem down too, giving the illusion that she was finished as well. Natsuki avoided eye contact and gave her most convincing pitch; "well it's not bad. You should get right to the message more directly though instead of dancing around it with big words, but yeah, like 7/10". The smaller girl mentally patted herself on the back, yeah, that should apply to just about anything Yuri would write. Yuri rolled her eyes and ignored her comment, and stated "I think you're definitely making improvement, if I could advise anything it would be to make an effort to paint more of a picture, if you will, with your words. However, there's nothing wrong with simplicity, and the writing style suits you well".  
___ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki felt her eye twitch. "Oh so I'm simplistic and basic huh" she hissed. A part of her knew that's not what Yuri intended but she couldn't help but be defensive. Being treated like a child was the literal bane of her existence. Yuri's face dropped and she put her hands in front of her as she frantically exclaimed "n-no! That's not what I was saying at all! I-I just meant that when you write you! Y-you tend to! Oh dear..." she stumbled over her words. _Oh come on let up on her Nat, even if she did feel that way about you she knows better than to say it. _Natsuki ignored her desire to continue fortifying defenses when she realized that Yuri had just bought her ice cream.  
___ _ _

___ _

___The smaller girl was ready to drop it when Sayori threw herself in between them, "HEY! Good poems today everyone who wants to talk about the festival coming up?". She was clearly trying to diffuse the situation, which made Natsuki scoff. As if she couldn't tell when to stop by herself, she thought bitterly until she realized that was entirely in character for her wasn't it. Sometimes she wished she could just start fresh, delete everyone's current perceptions of her and start from scratch, although at this point she didn't know how much of this was her trying to live up to her closed off angry persona, and how much was just her being a generally bad person.  
_ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki broke the silence and sighed, "yeah okay whatever, I'll make cupcakes of course", to which Sayori's face lit up. At least _someone _around here appreciated her labor. Yuri tilted her head "You know, I can't remember the last time we weren't preparing for a festival...". Natsuki pursed her lips, _I mean yeah now that she mentioned it... _"Yeah! It's great isn't it!" Sayori cheered. Monika shrugged "Regardless, she's right, we should have a game plan. Natsuki you're on cupcake duty, Sayori you can be.." _Nice _, Natsuki thought, she can stop listening now. She grabbed her manga off the corner of the desk and re-immersed herself in the world of Parfait Girls.  
_______ _ _

___ _

___She wasn't sure how much time had passed, when she was reading something she actually cared about there was no time, only Parfait Girls. J̶͓͔͋̾̚ŭ̸̝͉̫̾̀s̴̰͊̉͘ţ̴͇͘ ̶̼̀́P̷̢͖̙̠̃́̚á̸͚̩͗̈́̕r̷̩̫͉͔̅̆͌͛f̵͓̾͐́ä̵̻́͛i̶͍͌͠͝ţ̴̝̅͂̈́̊͜ ̸̮͓̐͑G̴̯̩̈i̵̹͍̱̞̾̿r̸̦̈́̒̚l̷̩̥̯͉͗̀̓͘š̸̜̲̳̝̀. Anyways, after an indeterminate amount of time, she was called back to reality by Monika suddenly clapping her hands together and declaring "Alright! We're all set unless anyone else has something to add!". After nobody replied she shuffled her papers and stood up, "Okay! See you all on Monday then!". That went a lot quicker than she had hoped.  
_ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki rose from her desk, her vision going dark and ears ringing for a second or two. She should probably get that checked out, but it was probably just the lack of eating. Besides, her dad wouldn't give a shit anyways. Sayori and Monika had already bounded out the door together, of course, so it was only Natsuki who was there to see Yuri rise from her chair, take a few steps, and trip over her own feet. Her books went flying out of her arms but luckily she didn't appear to be hurt. "Nice", Natsuki laughed, which caused Yuri to jump. "Haha- I'd hoped you'd made your way out by now. Let's forget this happened" she chuckled, gathering her loose papers and book.  
_ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki marched over to Yuri, who's hands were full of books and was struggling to her knees. "Here", she offered, and reached out help her support herself. However, when Natsuki wrapped her hand around Yuri's forearm, she let out a strained yelp and yanked her arm to her chest, avoiding eye contact with the girl who'd just grabbed her. Her breathing sped up. Natsuki withdrew her hand too now, not entirely sure what just happened, "S-sorry! Holy shit are you okay? What happened?". Natsuki could tell she'd grabbed onto something sensitive, she recognized the behavior from when someone unknowingly touched one of her bruises. _Did Yuri have bruises? _Now that she thought about it she'd never really seen her arms under that sweater she always wore... _Is that also why she was so jumpy all the time too? _  
_____ _ _

___ _

___Yuri struggled to her feet, pulling her sleeves even further down "I- it's nothing! I just had an accident the other day working on something a-and, and I'm fine now I'm sorry," Yuri began briskly walking towards the door. Natsuki was frozen in place, but she knew she had to say something, didn't she? I mean if someone had found out her secret she'd probably run off and say she was fine too, but she knew deep down a part of her wanted someone to call her on her bullshit. Besides if it really is nothing, it can't hurt to make sure. She dashed to the door and frantically called out down the hallway "Wait! Yuri really, if something happened you can tell me! I know that sounds like bullshit but really, I think I might under-" "NO! I'm fine really! Thank you, but I have to go home , r-right now!"  
_ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki watched the purple haired girl rush down the hall and out of sight with a lump in her throat, gathered her things, and left, her mind racing._ _ _


	3. this is the third one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my name is Mac and I have a committed and passionate relationship with run-on sentences and commas. 
> 
> (also tw for general Yuri stuff this chapter)

Natsuki shuffled her feet awkwardly and fixed her hair in the reflection of the window. It was a Saturday morning, an ungodly hour to be awake (8:30), but she knew that Yuri woke up early. If you'd told her that she'd be walking to Yuri's house on her own initiative a few weeks ago, she probably would have laughed in your face, and yet here she was. To be fair, a few weeks ago she hadn't seen the way the purple haired girl recoiled from her touch, or seen the panic in her eyes as she tried to explain herself. 

Natsuki wasn't the kind of person to text first, let alone show up at somebody's house unannounced with muffins. Now that she thought about it, she probably should have shot her a warning text before parading over, but she didn't want to risk her coming up with some excuse or hiding. Natsuki had hardly been able to relax since the incident yesterday, worrying about what was going on in Yuri's life and cursing herself for not catching on earlier, so if she didn't confront her about it now she was afraid she'd go the whole weekend without sleep. 

_Okay get over yourself Nat, _she squeezed her eyes shut tight and pressed the doorbell before she could talk herself out of this. The moment she hit it, sirens went off in her brain and she briefly debated ding-dong-ditching her, but luckily she was too scared to move. There were a few moments of silence, the lights inside were still off. _Maybe she's not even home, _she hoped but also feared. Luckily (or unfortunately, depending on which part of Natsuki's brain you listen to), a shadowy figure could be seen moving inside the house. It seemed to hesitate before eventually resigning and pulling open the door.____

___ _

___Yuri looked down at the girl on her doorstep and smiled warmly, "Natsuki! What are you doing here at-". Her smile dropped, most likely as she recalled the events from the day before. She only faltered for a second before plastering on a smile and continuing, "Can I be of any assistance this morning?". Natsuki swallowed hard. _Come on dumbass, make words go please I'm begging you _. Her brain ignored her plea, and instead she wordlessly held the cupcakes out in front of her. Yuri blinked and reached out hesitantly, as if unsure whether they were for her or not.___ _ _

___ _

___Suddenly Natsuki snapped back to reality and cleared her throat, "Hey, I made these for you to apologize. For yesterday y'know. I sometimes don't realize how rough I'm being and I tend to.... yeah." Yuri took the box in her hands and opened it, smiling as she saw the purple icing and books piped onto the top of them. It was a soft and genuine smile, and a refreshing change from her prior look of a deer in headlights. It was a smile that made Natsuki's insides feel warm and soft, and she felt that warmth rise to her cheeks. _God please shut up gay thoughts this is not the time.__ _ _

___ _

___"Natsuki", hearing her say her name so tenderly sent a shiver up the smaller girl's spine, "this is so thoughtful of you, words cannot thank you enough. I truly appreciate your concern but I can assure you that I'm okay. Would you... would you like to come in?". Natsuki didn't entirely believe her, she knew as well as anyone how easy it was to lie about being okay, but the fact that Yuri didn't immediately close herself off reassured her that she may be able to get her to open up eventually._ _ _

___ _

___She then remembered that questions usually required responses, and answered almost a little to enthusiastically "Yeah! I mean if that's okay or whatever, are your parents home?". Yuri shook her head, "Oh no, I live alone remember?" Natsuki did not remember. She's sure she'd been told before, but that doesn't mean she'd listened, as this was completely new to her. She nodded silently. _No parents, huh? _She guessed that ruled out what she suspected her flinching was a result of since there was nobody there to inflict said theoretical bruises.___ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki followed Yuri into her house, which was a lot bigger than it looked on the outside. It even smelled like Yuri, which was to say it smelled like the old yellowed pages of a book mixed with a soft lavender smell. It was a really calming smell, and she was ashamed to say it wasn't the first time she'd thought that. Natsuki broke the silence as Yuri continued leading her through her labyrinth of a home; "So. How long have you had this place? It's really cool". Yuri hummed thoughtfully "Hmm, I guess it's been about 5 months now? My parents were pretty eager to get me out of the house. They thought if I lived on my own i'd be forced to go outside my comfort zone and develop a social life I guess. That didn't work exactly according to plan but it's the thought that counts is it not?". Natsuki frowned. Until now she'd assumed she hung out with other book nerds that were more her speed outside of school._ _ _

___ _

___They stopped in a large dimly lit room that was full of old antique furniture. _Yeah this place was definitely haunted. _"Can I interest you in a cup of tea?" Yuri offered, directing her towards a chair. " I'll make sure it has 'all' sugar". Natsuki rolled her eyes and giggled, which she tried to play off as a scoff because Natsuki she was tough and cool and she definitely didn't giggle. "Alright, that does sound tempting". Yuri smiled, a real genuine one not a nervous smile or a smile to mask something else. Natsuki decided at that moment that she'd do everything she could to see it more often. "Alright, give me just a few minutes," Yuri said as she disappeared down a corridor.___ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki kicked her legs beneath the chair absentmindedly while she scanned the room. It was really impressive, and drenched in a dark kind of beauty, but it was hard to miss the underlying feeling of... emptiness. It wasn’t that there was nothing in the house, the shelves were lined with books, there were carefully crafted sculptures in every hallway, yet it still felt barren. It was a very lonely house for what Natsuki was learning was a very lonely girl. She supposed she was lonely too, but it was a different kind of lonely. She actively made sure she was lonely, not to say she enjoyed it any more, whereas Yuri didn’t really get a say in her social isolation. Natsuki made a mental note to visit her more often._ _ _

___ _

___Yuri returned with two steaming cups, one full of pitch black tea, the other a much softer milkier color, and set them in front of their respective owners. Natsuki’s eyes lit up as she noticed the tray of biscuits the purple haired girl was also carrying, which she must have seen because she smiled and hummed in amusement before saying “Help yourself to as many as you’d like, I can always make more”. Natsuki felt a little bit guilty for showing up at this girl’s door and inhaling all her food, but honestly she was too hungry to care a lot. “Yuri you’re seriously the best” she said through her remaining mouthful of biscuit. Despite not being full, she stopped herself after the third. _Time to get down to business.__ _ _

___ _

___She took a breath, “So. Yuri. I know you said you’re fine, and I should probably stop prying now but I really can’t let this go that easily.” She looked over to Yuri, who’s face was obscured by her hair, but she could see her death grip on the arm of her chair. Despite the screaming in her head, she continued, “Look I know I’m pushing my boundaries, but we don’t even have to talk about the... arms thing. Just anything that would help to talk about, I’m here to listen. I- I care about you” she blushed furiously, realizing what she’d said. “...or... whatever...” she added quietly, realizing she’d almost accidentally shown some semblance of vulnerability (and maybe even a little bit of lesbianability)._ _ _

___ _

___Upon hearing that, Yuri’s shoulders dropped, and she seemed to let go of some of her tension. “Natsuki,” the younger girl felt her heart rate speed up even more when she said her name, “I- I care about you too,” Natsuki’s let go of her breath that she didn’t realize she was holding, glad to know her feelings were reciprocated. Normally she’d try to tell herself that people were just lying to make her feel better, but no, Yuri wouldn’t do that. “- which is why you... s-should leave me alone”, she spat the last words out very quickly, like it was ripping off a bandaid._ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki felt her tiny body fill with dread, then confusion and anger as she sputtered, “W-why?! What are you even- Do you hear yourself Yuri??? That doesn’t make any fucking sense!” She felt her heart drop as Yuri cowered at her words. She mentally cursed herself and spoke again, careful to keep her tone and voice a little more tame this time. “Yuri, look. I care about you, you care about me, we understand each other! It’s clear something, maybe even a lot of somethings, is bothering you, and I don’t know if I can be a lot of help but please let me try?”_ _ _

___ _

___Finally Yuri met the younger girl’s eyes, and she could see that she was fighting back tears. To be fair, she was too, but she was too worried about her friend to think about that right now. Yuri sat her tea down, and took a moment to compose herself. She took another moment. It seemed she was treating herself to another moment, before Natsuki heard a small whimper, which quickly turned into quiet sobbing. _Oh shit _, she thought, _fuck okay I guess we’re doing this now _. She was never the kind of person who was all that good at reading the room and knowing what to do next in social crises, and she was used to Yuri being the more emotionally stable of the two._____ _ _

___ _

___After weighing her options for a few seconds that happened to feel like lifetimes, she pushed herself out of her seat and made her way over to console her friend. This had at least somewhat to do with the fact that if she continued to stand, she wasn’t positive that she wouldn’t pass out, which would only make an awkward situation worse. She took a deep breath, shooing away her social ineptitude, and maneuvered her hand over Yuri’s gently, hoping that’s what people do to comfort people. To her surprise, she grabbed her hand firmly in response, and Natsuki could feel her hands shaking hard in her own. _Okay, good start. Now am I supposed to say something? I feel like a ‘there there’ and a pat on the back might not cut it right now.__ _ _

___ _

___Her train of thought was cut short as she noticed Yuri’s hiccups between sobs. Oh man she wasn’t doing it right apparently. She cast her awkwardness and gay panic aside for the good of her friend, and moved her arm up around her, trying to calm her violent quivering. Natsuki swore she felt the crying girl lean into her a bit, but she couldn’t be sure. “I-Is this okay? My arm being here?” she asked, trying to make her voice soft and comforting. This is strange to her, since she was usually doing everything in her power to make her sound more intimidating, but right now she wanted more than anything to ease the pain Yuri was feeling. She nodded, and took Natsuki’s free hand in her own, causing her to blush. _Goddamn it not right now stupid thoughts, this is not the time for a gay panic.__ _ _

___ _

___After ten or so minutes, Yuri’s breathing had calmed, and her head had somehow ended up on Natsuki’s shoulder. The pink haired girl still had one hand in hers, the other was tracing soft circles on her back. That was, subconsciously of course, otherwise she’d have been mortified and retreated by now. Eventually, Yuri took a deep breath and shakily whispered, “I’m sorry”. Natsuki hushed her, pulling her into a hug that lasted nearly 30 seconds. She could feel her heartbeat against her chest, and hear her now shallow breathing. It was now that Natsuki realized just how badly she needed to feel someone’s touch, and a few silent tears rolled down her cheek._ _ _

___ _

___When she pulled away, she took note of Yuri staring intently at her sleeves, as if she was debating whether or not to give in. Natsuki grabbed her hands and got it over with; “Yuri? Could I see?” She felt her grip tighten on her hands. “You don’t have to, I don’t want to force you to do anything”. There was silence for an awfully long time, and Natsuki wasn’t sure the other girl intended on answering, but in a barely audible voice she heard the other girl whisper “You’re going to be mad at me”. What did that even mean? Hadn’t she proved that she wasn’t mad at her, and she only wanted to help? “Yuri no matter what, I won’t be mad, I promise”. Natsuki hoped she could keep that promise. She couldn’t think of anything that would make her mad, but she didn’t want there to even be a chance that she’d betray her friend’s trust._ _ _

___ _

___Yuri seemed hesitant, but she nodded her head, refusing to meet Natsuki’s eyes. To be honest she was terrified for what she was about to see. She’d narrowed it down to a few things it could be, but she had no idea which (if any) it’d be, and none of the options were very good. Natsuki gently extended the girl’s arm, and slowly rolled her sleeves up. After the third roll, she felt her stomach drop to the floor. As she continued up her arm it became apparent how bad it really was, and she suddenly felt lightheaded. Starting at her wrist and continuing the length of Yuri’s forearm were countless uniform cuts and scars. Some were deeper than others, some far apart, some so close together there was no distinction between them, some were nothing but white scars, but some looked as new as yesterday._ _ _

___ _

___Yuri’s arm shook as Natsuki held it, and stared wide eyed at the wreckage of the girl’s arm. An increasing feeling of dread dawned on Natsuki as she processed the scene in front of her and it’s implications. She had no idea this had been happened. _How did I not realize? All the pieces were right there, was I too dense to see it? _She knew people hurt themselves for a multitude of reasons, but she never knew it could be _this _bad, and her heart hurt for Yuri to imagine what circumstances could have lead to this. God she should probably say something huh. _Okay Natsuki, this is bad, but think about how she’s feeling. Choose your words carefully here, don’t make this any worse for her.______ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki cleared her throat: “Oh fuck”._ _ _


	4. Gays crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m really sorry this took so long to put outttt. i primarily blame this on a combination of being depressed and devoid of motivation, and being distracted by Undertale 2: Electric Boogaloo. This chapter is a little short, but the next one should be longer to make up for it. That, and it will be out before 2 weeks this time lol oops. thanks for being patient with me

Natsuki felt like her heart was trying to escape via her throat, as she knelt on the floor with her friend's ravaged arm in her hands, feeling like a failure. _Come on Natsuki she just showed you her deepest secret and the best you could come up with is 'oh fuck'?. Yuri pulled her arm back close to her chest and looked away from the other girl, and she could hear her breath get shaky again. Nice going dumbass. She's probably never told anyone about this before and my impulsive ass is probably making everything worse._

__

__Natsuki shook her head "H-hey wait no, I'm sorry It just surprised me. I-It's not even that bad!" she lied. "That's a lie" Yuri said in a voice barely above a whisper, withdrawing further into herself. "No! R-really!" she lied again. Of course she didn't hold it against Yuri, but that didn't mean looking at it didn't almost cause her to black out. "I told you you'd hate me", she sniffed, and her crying picked up again. Natsuki's heart hurt to see her like this, especially when she knew it was partially her fault. She just wanted to help but someone she kept saying all the wrong words._ _

__

__"Yuri I do NOT hate you. I could never hate you, ever. You know I-" she bit her tongue. _Oh shit did I almost just say love? Oh my god that is not what she needs right now I'm supposed to be calming her d- wait a minute, do I love her? _Maybe as a friend obviously... but did she even consider Natsuki a friend?___ _

___ _

___Natsuki didn't have time to decipher her repressed feelings, her friend needed her. "Yuri, please, look at me" she pleaded. Slowly, Yuri lifted her head to look at the pink haired girl, strands of her hair stuck to her tear-stained face. _Oh it worked. Wait fuck I have to think of something to say now huh. _Natsuki squeezed her eyes shut and decided to let whatever word vomit her brain came up with out on the fly. "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me for not noticing this sooner. How long has this been going on?" she spoke softly, brushing hair out of the other's hair.  Yuri shrugged and sniffled, "A while I guess...". That wasn't exactly the answer she was hoping for but Natsuki knew she was already treading on thin ice, so she didn't dare push her any further.___ _ _

___ _

___What did a while mean? Natsuki hated to think how long Yuri'd been doing this. _Months? Years even? Maybe if I'd just bothered to check in on her before this wouldn't be happening... _Somewhere deep down she knew that probably wasn't true, but her brain was insistent on declaring every shitty thing that's ever happened her fault. The shivering girl tugged her sleeves back over her arms and wrapped them around herself to help ease the shaking.___ _ _

___ _

___Natsuki took a chance and slowly moved her arm to Yuri's back, tracing gentle circles with her thumb. She could feel her desperate attempts to keep her breathing under control as she trembled under her hand. It was something her mom used to do to her when she was throwing up or crying or just generally upset, and somehow it always seemed to help. Normally she'd never be so bold, but if her friend was willing to be vulnerable with her then the least she could do was offer some comfort._ _ _

___ _

___"When was the last time you... _did it _, or whatever" she asked, as gently as she could over the persistent lump in her throat. Yuri clutched harder at her sleeves, pulling them even further over her already covered arms. "I- I mean if you want to tell me. If not that's fine too please don't feel like I'm pressuring you or anything", she quickly added upon seeing Yuri retreat further into herself. It's a good thing the tables weren't turned, because Natsuki knew Yuri would never manage to get the information she had from her. _I'd probably just yell at her huh, _she thought, resentful of the person she'd been to her all this time._____ _ _

___ _

___The long haired girl took a shaky breath, and whispered in a shameful voice, "...last night". Natsuki felt like she'd just been punched in the gut. She tried not to let her face show it, but she really wasn't expecting it to be _that _bad . She was honestly bracing herself for the devastating impact that the answer 'last week' would hold, but last night? She could have been there last night. She could have stopped this. "Oh..." she said, trying not to sound shaken.___ _ _

___ _

___"Yuri... I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry I couldn't have-", with a sudden burst of zeal that wasn't there before, Yuri cut her off. "No!" she cried, finally meeting Natsuki's eyes. Natsuki was taken aback by her outburst, and withdrew her arm from her back. Yuri took a breath, trying to regain composure and said again, quieter but still just as firmly, "No." Natsuki blinked, trying to decipher the other girl's body language. "...No?" she repeated inquisitively, "No what???"_ _ _

___ _

___Yuri presser her face into her hands and sighed as if she was exhausted, which reminded Natsuki how much infinitely cooler Yuri was than her. _Nice going dipshit, now you've annoyed her. At least she always has someone to count on for that, _she scolded herself. But when she spoke again she was surprised to hear her tone was soft and tinged with unsureness again, instead of the irritation she expected. "No, I'm not going to let you blame yourself for this. This? This is why I couldn't tell anyone. I don't want to be anyone else's problem, especially not yours".___ _ _

___ _

___Neither girl spoke a word for a minute or two, though Natsuki could have sworn it was at least a half an hour. Her heart seemed to sink into her stomach as she processed what she'd said. Did Yuri really think she was some sort of burden to her? She'd avoided help all this time because she was afraid of dragging other people down? _Honestly that was kind of stupid. I mean I guess I kinda feel that way sometimes too but... No no no no this is not about you idiot, those things aren't anything alike. _The point of the matter is that Natsuki had obviously failed as a friend, or even an acquaintance, by letting her believe she was a liability to her. She kinda just wanted to curl into a ball and cry until the right thing to say would magically come to her, but she feared she'd already been responsible for too much of the stiffness in the air, so she forced herself to break the silence.___ _ _

___ _

___"You know I'm here because I want to be, right?". For a moment she was afraid Yuri hadn't heard her, but she eventually lifted her head up out of her hands. It wasn't enough to see her face, but it was a start. She continued nervously, "I'm not here because I thought I had some sort of obligation or something, I'm here because I ca-" Natsuki caught herself on the last word. It was like a pop up was triggered in her brain that read WARNING: _You are about to be emotionally vulnerable! Are you sure you want to continue? < /> She pushed on regardless, "Because I care about you" she finished, successfully fighting off the urge to add 'or whatever'. __ _ _

___ _

___She saw Yuri tense up, and for a moment she was afraid she said the wrong thing; she was very good at that, after all. She was relieved when instead Yuri turned towards her and wrapped her arms around her. She didn't react for a moment, taken aback from the touchy feely behavior from the usually reserved girl, and also wrapped up in her own gay panic. _Oh shit she gives really nice hugs, _she thought, _shut up _Natsuki now isn't the time for your shit, her brain reprimanded her in response. She slowly returned the hug, and as she did, she heard Yuri's shallow breaths turn into stifled sobs. Hearing that made it hard for Natsuki not to cry too, and she gently rubbed the other girl's back, hushing her softly._____ _ _

___ _

___They stayed like this for a while until Yuri had calmed herself a bit. She felt her breathing steady and fall in sync with her own, and her shaking come to a stop. At this point Natsuki could have let go, but honestly she didn’t want to. She’d never ever admit it, but she wouldn’t mind staying this way forever. Yuri was warm and surprisingly comfortable . She found her mind wandering as she silently admired all Yuri’s soft edges. Yuri was relatively thin, but not being able to count every individual rib on a body was a nice change of pace for Natsuki. Even when she was supposed to be the one comforting her, Yuri made Natsuki feel safe and at ease. No sharp edges, no sharp words, no sharp pains. Everything felt soft when she was this close to her._ _ _

___ _

___Her absentminded musings were cut short when her phone buzzed impatiently in her pocket, making her jump. Yuri pulled her head up and gave Natsuki an inquisitive look. She looked at her phone and sighed. _Why can’t the universe just let me have this one thing? _“That was my phone”. she explained. _Yeah, obviously. _“It’s uh, an alarm I set. I have to get home before my dad wakes up, he won’t like that I left the house without his permission” she said, choosing her words carefully as not to make Yuri worry about her. She had enough on her mind without knowing about Natsuki’s home life. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you so long” Yuri muttered, pulling away from their embrace and wiping her eyes. As she felt Yuri’s touch leave her she couldn’t help but feel desolate. She realized just how long it’d been since she’d felt a gentle touch from someone she cared about._____ _ _

___ _

___“Hey no, don’t worry. I’d stay longer if I could but I don’t wanna piss him off y’know.” she laughed nervously. Yuri furrowed her brow “Yeah, I guess. Still, I’m sorry for worrying you. It means the world to me that you came over”. she said shyly. “Well I can do it again!” she replied, almost too enthusiastically, “come over I mean. I can plan it on advance so I won’t have to leave abruptly again. I mean- That’s if you wanted to of course because otherwise that’s fine but it was just an offer an-“ she began to ramble before Yuri smiled and rolled her eyes at her, which shut her up right away. _Wow she was really pretty huh. e / > I mean she knew that, she’d always been pretty, but it was like Natsuki had never really looked at her before now. And _wow. She was reallllyy pretty.___ _ _

___ _

___“I would love to have you over again,” Yuri reaffirmed”. Natsuki gave a blushy smile and began towards the door, but then stopped. “Hey, Yuri?” she asked, turning back around to face her. She was now sitting properly with a book in hand, because of course she was, shes Yuri. “If you feel that way again... you know, that way. Please give me a call first before you do anything.” Yuri looked like she was about to protest, but thought the better of it and decided on nodding instead. Natsuki continued towards the door and as she left, she heard her whisper, “Thank you for everything, Natsuki”, but when she looked behind her, she was already immersed in her book._ _ _

___ _

___Typically she felt nothing more than overwhelming dread as she walked back to her house, knowing what was going to greet her there, but today she walked with a certain bounce that was never there before. It was a little chilly outside but Natsuki could feel a lingering warm inside her that persisted anyway. As she walked down the sidewalk, smiling to herself, she found herself craving a cup of tea._ _ _


	5. I should give these things names huh

The following days at school were very strange; neither girl explicitly talked about what had happened over the weekend, but anyone with any perception skills whatsoever could see that something had changed. Yuri's usually silent phone now periodically buzzed throughout the day, signifying that Natsuki had sent her another cat meme or another one of her surreal images regarding classic books which she had called 'literature shitposts'. In the hallways, Natsuki's typically well-maintained grouchy exterior now faltered for a moment when she passed her taller friend in the halls, nodding and smiling slightly in acknowledgment.  
   Natsuki admitted this was a pleasant change from their previous relationship, which was mostly ignoring each other aside from petty squabbles, but a part of her that she'd rather not address longed for something more. The little bit of the Yuri she'd gotten to know had her hooked, and she was low key constantly hoping the other would be the one to initiate further interaction. Unfortunately for the pink-haired pining girl, her day-to-day life carried on with more of the same until Friday, where the only notable difference was that Yuri didn't hold her head quite as high in the halls, and her smile of acknowledgement seemed less genuine than she'd come to know it as. Whatever, you're probably reading too much into it, you know she probably doesn't analyze and stare at you this way...  
    On Saturday morning, she was awoken by the repeated buzz of her heavily-stickered cellphone. Jesus, who the hell could be spamming me at this ungodly hour of... oh... 11:14 in the morning. Her annoyance was washed away when she saw that the texts were from Yuri. She smiled lazily as she unlocked her phone, but her subconscious grin faded quickly when she read her friends messages.  
'"Hey.'  
'I'm really sorry to bother you on a Saturday, in fact I've been putting off sending this message for an hour or so now'  
'...however last week you asked me to contact you the next time I was feeling... destructive, and after all you've done for me I feel I should honor that request'  
'You don't have to answer if it's not convenient right now, but I figured you deserved to know'"

Natsuki's heart sank as she reread the texts over to herself and the meaning set in. She chewed her lip as she tried to determine the best course of action. She wished Yuri had texted her earlier but decided not to dwell on that, instead being grateful she shot her a warning at all. She hastily typed out a response.  
'hey, you havent done anything yet, have you ?'  
   Surprisingly to her, Yuri's reply was almost immediate  
'No, no physical damage has been done'  
   Natsuki breathed a sigh of relief, then got to thinking. On Saturdays her father was rarely home anyways, and if she remembered correctly he had plans for lunch with friends. She furrowed her brow and she quickly assessed all the risks, but ultimately decided her friends safety came first.  
'good. keep it that way. im on my way'.  
    Natsuki quickly changed into a set of loungewear she had lying on her floor and ran her fingers through her hair as she made her way down the stairs and out the door. Yeah she probably looked like shit, but honestly she had bigger fish to fry right now. She tried to cobble together some sort of a plan of attack for what to do when she got there, but her mind was able to somehow function even worse than usual as her brain was filled with anxieties and dedication to powerwalking down the sidewalk. She finally made it to Yuri's house and approached the door, attempting to mask the fact that a brisk walk through a grand total of eight blocks had her so thoroughly winded. She pushed down the urge to peek at her reflection in the windows, knowing that the way she probably looked right now would not comfort her or aid her in her ability to comfort Yuri, so she swallowed her pride and pushed the doorbell with the strength of one thousand anxiety ridden oxen.  
The door was opened almost immediately, as if someone had been waiting just on the other side for her arrival. Yuri wore her same school outfit from yesterday, and it was clear she hadn't changed or brushed her hair since. To be concise, she looked really rough. Natsuki had always known her to be put together and very proper in her appearance amongst other things, but even if Natsuki hadn't received those texts from her, it was clear to see she wasn't doing too well. Yuri forced a smile, that honestly looked pained, and whispered a quick greeting in a voice that revealed that she'd either been crying, or gargling sand. "Hey" the younger girl replied, trying to sound strong for the good of her distraught friend. Okay Natsuki, she thought, say something intelligent, she's shared with you that she's hurting and is putting a lot of trust in you to have come to you for help. "are you... good?" she asked shakily. She winced at her own remark. Dipshit.  
   Yuri smiled weakly and shrugged, "I suppose I could be better". Natsuki sighed "yeah, that's why you- right ok sorry" she stumbled over her words , rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. "Well, please, come right inside and sit down. Can I get you anything?" "pff," Natsuki scoffed, passing through the doorway and kicking off her shoes, "I should be asking YOU that". Pursing her lips, she thought on that more and decided it was time she stepped up her good friend game. "Have you been drinking water and all that? I could make a pot of tea for you" she offered sheepishly. Yuri raised an eyebrow, "Do... do you even know how to make tea?" she inquired with a tinge of amusement in her voice. The shorter girl hummed thoughtfully and revised her statement, "google and I could make some tea for you." Yuri rolled her eyes with a soft but genuine laugh that made Natsuki feel like someone had lit a candle in her chest.  
   "I could teach you how to make tea, it's rather easy", Yuri offered confidently, but then seemed to become flustered by her words once they'd escaped her mouth. Natsuki's face rose in temperature as she furiously nodded, "Sure! I mean- yeah that'd be good, it's better to learn from a professional anyway" she said, attempting to mask her enthusiasm for the idea. It's natural to be excited to learn new things... she tried to reason to herself, especially if they're really realllly pretty. She caught herself before her train of thought strayed any further, surely changing her complexion another few shades pinker to match the rest of her. Whatever!  
   Yuri seemed a bit thrown by the others answer, as if she hadn't expected to be met with genuine consideration for the offer. She smiled with a sense of pride and excitement as she started towards the kitchen, "Oh- Oh great! Come along then I have all the things right in the kitchen". Natsuki trailed behind her, slightly hurriedly to make up for her comparatively tiny legs. Upon arrival to the kitchen, she noticed that the kettle already seemed to be out, and she couldn't help but smile to herself. Classic Yuri. The dark haired girl spun around and beamed at Natsuki, "Okay! So making tea is really easy, the first step is to just fill the kettle with water. Tap water will work just fine" she instructed. Natsuki nodded and awaited further details before realizing Yuri had meant for her to do it as she told her. "Oh!" she snapped out of her daze, (which definitely wasn't due to being distracted by Yuri's smile and voice and eyes and everything. Shut the fuck up,) and elf the kettle under the sink faucet, filling it with warm water.  
   The air was saturated with an awkward silence as the kettle decided to fill itself very slowly. Well, it may have been an awkward silence, she couldn't tell if the silence was awkward or if just she was. "So... how much do I fill it up?" Natsuki asked, at the risk of sounding stupid(er). "Two cups should be fine" Yuri asserted, though she must have seen the apprehension on the other's face as she quickly added "about halfway full". Part of Natsuki wanted to be offended that she felt the need to clarify how much 2 cups would look like, but the other part of her knew full and well that she wouldn't have had a clue otherwise. As the water reached the halfway mark, she flicked the faucet handle off, and turned around, "Alright! And now?"  she asked eagerly. Yuri took the kettle from her hands and set it on the stove, carefully turning the dial beneath it, "Now we bring the stove to a low-medium flame and wait for it to boil".  
   Natsuki hoisted herself up onto a stool for the duration of the wait. Great, I actually love waiting in silence it's my favorite, she thought sarcastically and bitterly. Fortunately Yuri broke the silence in asking quietly, "I had thought you didn't like tea, has that changed?". Natsuki hummed in thought, "I guess so, It's better with sugar and all that too I suppose. I'm not too sure what changed it,". Yuri nodded in reply, and there was more silence for a few moments before Yuri cleared her throat and quietly but smugly responded, "I guess before it just wasn't your cup of tea." Natsuki’s glare didn’t hold for long upon seeing the other girl’s shit-eating grin, and her stern look quickly turned into a stifled laugh. “Goddamn it. That’s pretty good”, she admitted reluctantly. Yuri nodded matter-of-factly.  
The sound of bubbling from the kettle drew their attention, and Yuri clapped her hands, “Alright! So let’s move on to the next step”. Natsuki nodded, and secretly hoped she hadn’t seen the way the noise made her flinch. She knew it was stupid to be so jumpy around her, but the subconscious part of her brain was an idiot who had no interest in critical thinking it seemed. She shook her head and focused instead on watching Yuri sift through her seemingly infinite supply of tea before finally pulling a box out and holding it up for her to see. “This is a pretty mild tea, I think it’d suit your tastes with a bit of sugar added; at least I hope!” she smiled, holding it out to the pink-haired girl. Natsuki took it in her hands, intending to say something witty or at least a thank you, but she only managed to smile like some dork as she clutched it. Yeah okay maybe she was reading too much into it, but she couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy inside at the thought Yuri had assigned her a tea based on her perceptions of her. Okay she was probably definitely reading too much into it but whatever! She’d earned this and she was gonna cherish and look into her Yuri-Assigned personali-tea as much as she wanted.  
She made her way to the kettle, tea in hand, before Yuri held out a hand, bringing her to a halt. “Not quite yet! First we pour a bit of the water into the cup to warm it up,” she explained. “Ohhh, that’s smart” Natsuki watched intently. This tea-making business was apparently more complicated than she’d assumed, and she found herself admiring her friend for her dedication to the measures that were taken to ensure the tea experience was authentic. If she was completely blunt, she still didn’t care about tea making that much, it was more along the lines of ‘I care that Yuri cares”, but she’d never be caught dead admitting that. Yuri pulled two tea bags out of the box and Natsuki’s eyes lit up, “Oh hell yeah! I know these! Teabags are aesthetically pleasing people love that shit!” she beamed. Yuri rolled her eyes playfully, “I’d never expected you to be such a cultured individual in the art of... ‘that shit’”. Natsuki snatched one of the bags and lifted it up to her line of sight. “Well, believe it! Oh and I won’t be needing instructions here. I’ve seen anime. I know how to swoosh the little bag up and down” she boasted. Yuri giggles into her hand, dipping her own teabag into the little porcelain cup, “Well, who am I to keep you from you swooshing then?” she jabbed lightheartedly.  
Once the tea had been thoroughly swooshed, Yuri poured the remainder of the hot water into the cups, producing the picture perfect final product; two charming little teacups full of freshly made tea. Natsuki lifted her glass proudly, “cheers!” she cried, as her cup produced an incredibly satisfying *clink* against the taller girl’s. “Cheers!” Yuri echoed, amusement sparkling in her stunning violet eyes, “I also like to make tea with fresh tea leaves sometime, but that’s another lesson for another day”. With a confidence that not even she knew the source of, Natsuki took a sip of her tea and happily declared, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”. She was taken aback by her own words and probably would have immediately initiated fretting mode if not for the smile she saw spread across Yuri’s face. Wow that was a nice smile. Her smile is always nice but especially ones like that, ones that happen naturally and without forethought. She guessed her remarks couldn’t be too worthy of her own scorn if they prompted a warm smile like that from the otherwise distant girl.  
The two sipped their tea in relative silence, but the wave of calm remained over the both of them. Yuri, still smiling down at her cup, spoke up, “Thank you for this Natsuki. Already I’m feeling much better.” Natsuki smiled too, a sense of both accomplishment at cheering her up, and genuine relief that her friend wasn’t feeling as awful as she had been an hour ago. “I’m really glad to hear that Yuri” she hummed thoughtfully. Although the situation had been dealt with for now, she still wanted to take measures to keep it from happening again, at least for a while. She furrowed her brow, and chose her words carefully, “So... do you know what made you feel, the uh, things you were feeling earlier? Like did something trigger it or was it just one of those things that creep up out of nowhere”. Yuri’s smile fell, and she stared hard at a fixed point in front of her, as if she was studying the granite in the countertop. The younger girl nervously chewed her lip as she awaited a response, a response she briefly feared may never come, but Yuri eventually spoke again with caution.  
“I... I tend to feel a kind of boredom at times, especially when I’m alone with my thoughts. It doesn’t happen terribly often, but when It does, my mind tends to wander and grasp for things to look forward to. I figure that’s a natural response to boredom, however a lot of the time it seems like i can’t find anything in reach. I end up needing to reach farther and farther into the future to find something, an ambition or dream or even a new book, anything to keep me going. Unfortunately when I reach that far forward for enticing results, I can’t help but encounter the countless challenges and problems that will occur and need solving in that span- problems that don’t even exist to me yet. These thoughts almost never fail to spiral until all the worries and desperate need for answers blur together to become- I’m not sure. What I can only describe as a loud and unrelenting mental static. I start to worry about how to get rid of that static and I become convinced that my sanity depends on it, as it grows louder and louder. I start to get desperate and-“ Yuri took a breath for what seemed like the first time since the start of her monologue, “- and I only know one thing that can make the static go away unequivocally.”  
Natsuki blinked, trying to make sense of everything Yuri had just said. Part of it made sense sure, much better than she could have phrased such an intangible concept, but she wasn’t gonna pretend she completely understood either. Yuri took a shaky breath and set her teacup down, “I’m sorry” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I didn’t mean to ramble, I know nothing I said there made sense but I don’t know how else to even begin to explain”. Natsuki shook her head furiously and put her hand on the violet eyed girl’s shoulder, “hey, no! I think I kinda get it. Or at least I can see how in that situation someone would resort to-“ her voice trailed off, “yknow. I’m glad you told me this” she assured her. Yuri gave her a weak smile, not the genuine one she loved so much, it was that forced smile again. Way to go Nat you finally started to do something right and now you’ve brought her back down to zero. She pursed her lips as she thought for a moment.  
“...Hey”, Natsuki prodded quietly. Yuri looked up to her inquisitively. “I’m definitely not qualified to give any sort of reliable advice, in any situation really but especially this, but maybe we could just, set a few little plans. Just little itty bitty things to look forward to throughout the week, like checkpoints for you to get to without having to dive too deep into all that future shit?” Yuri lifted her head, the corners of her mouth ever so slightly pointing upwards. “Oh Natsuki,” she said in a soft voice that made her heart leap, “You’ve already done so much I could never ask you to-“ Natsuki cut her off with a raised hand. “Ah ah ah! None of that. You’re not ‘asking’ anything of me because I just offered remember dummy? I wan’t to do this,” she assured Yuri, and at the same time admitted to herself. She saw her friends cheeks turn a rosy pink, which totally complimented her eyes by the way, and that heartwarming butterfly-inducing smile made another reappearance. Encouraged by this, Natsuki pulled out her phone and scrolled through her calender app. “Look! How about Tuesday we go to a lunch off campus, and Friday we do something after 5?” Yuri’s face lit up “Oh we could go to that cafe in the bookstore this Tuesday for sure! And Friday should actually work for me too!” Natsuki’s chest swelled with excitement for the first time in a long while, and she clapped her hands together, “Perfect!” she cheered, “It’s a date!”. The comment went seemingly under Yuri’s radar but once it had set in what Natsuki had said she felt a whole lot of emotions very quickly. This was too much to unpack right now, but most of them seemed like positive emotions so she decided to leave it be for now.  
The rest of the day passed watching nature documentaries, the one piece of media the two could definitively agree on, and munching on healthy snacks that Yuri apparently stockpiled. Natsuki graciously accepted them, and if you’d seen her you’d think she came from a place where trail mix was a rare delicacy. When the end of the day came and Natsuki reluctantly made her way towards the door, they parted with a hug that, in her humble opinion, could not possibly last long enough. She arrived at home and threw herself onto the bed, falling asleep almost instantly in the clothes she put on that morning. She was fast asleep and dreaming of violet skies before her phone buzzed twice at the foot of her bed.

‘Yuri: Thanks again for everything today, I’m very lucky to call you a friend.’

‘Yuri: Can’t wait for that ‘date’ this Tuesday 😊🍵’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really sorry this took so long :/ i’m gonna be honest i’m depressed and also a high school student so i can’t promise it won’t happen again, but over 70 notes hot damn i seriously never expected more than like, maybe 12 thanks


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